IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
The constant things that kid’s are told when their parents go through a separation or divorce is that; it’s not your fault. Though that may be the truth for some children and it usually is, it’s not true for all children. Simply because some children might be blatantly spoiled, needy, or aggressive, and it puts more pressure on both of the parents. Many relationships are shown for what they truly are when a baby is entered into the world. The constant screaming,crying,changing,spending, and spoiling, all plays a huge part into what could be known as a self absorbed and spoiled generation. It’s what every adult knows coming into parenthood, and they understand they must weigh this out with the good times, the loving times, and the memorable times. Sometimes the baby is born, and as he grows up, he becomes more to handle, and harder to control. As the child becomes older, he or she becomes more independent, more financially entitled, and more rebellious. This result is the reason for many marriages to be broken apart, though it may not be conveyed. As a result the adults of the family may get a divorce, stating specifically time and again it’s not your fault.
Why is this? What drives parents to explain to their children that it was not your fault? Could it be the constant and urgent need to spoon-feed the child, so that he knows he is still loved and not to blame? Or is it that maybe deep down that parents themselves may not have an accurate excuse of why they cannot get along or understand each other.
Then their are spouses that don’t get along, and the children grows up in an unhealthy environment, that they cannot control. In those situations it seems like the only healthy thing is to get a separation or a divorce. Separations can offer the children and the parents to have rather lenient and loose rules about the children. As divorces are more strict, making a court order to have certain times for the other spouse to spend time with the child.
All these things are ways that family’s show how strong they are, and how close they can come together. One thing is for certain is that divorces have spiked in the United States from the early 50’s and they have increased dramatically. As divorces started to increase therapy increased drastically as well. Although the negatives do seem to come along with therapy. It’s very expensive, and cannot always be the right thing for people. For others family’s who can afford it, and can go often, it seems like the only thing left for each other.
Jill A. Daniels writes on the adolescent and parental separation within family transitions. How adolescents going through a separation or divorce with the parents will physiologically form alliances with individual parents over the other, that will usually form emotional and physical separation from a certain parent.
Can that form problems, and anger towards that individual parent? This can result in the child or children to have a further poor relationship with that parent, and can have an affect on how they judge that sex of people for the rest of their lives. Daniels also speaks about how every child needs to see and experience conflict within the house intact of divorced. It gives the child a real perspective of how things need to be dealt, with properly within a household, to keep realistic perspective with all members of the family. To realize that separation-individualism is almost a guaranteed result for an adolescent, it’s how it can be dealt within the household.
With the thought of child relationships with parents and the talk, it is an interesting experience watching children grow up in to adolescents, and into young men. Then they fly away from the nest and go and venture into their oysters of fortune. As parents it’s the duty to prepare them to understand controversy, conflict, and the basic necessities of every day life. Growing up in a separated family can offer many advantages and many disadvantages. It’s the way the family can offer a positive environment in a discouraging situation. Adolescent separation individuation is a family issue, and approaching this issue in steps can create more achievable goals. Through guidance, support groups, affiliating behaviors, practitioners can help give families with the knowledge and skills needed to have a successful accomplishment of this task.
The common pressures that are disposed to children and most defiantly adolescents and teenagers, all over the subways, internet, television, school, are all extra disposals laid on top of an increasingly harder and judgmental society. As social cliques and groups are formed that can be even worse to deal with during the day. Going home just seems like extra hell, when their is an abusive parental relationship, or fragmented individual relationship can be hard to accommodate as well, and stay sane.
It’s almost obvious that their would be separation individualism, as a child is looking for some person to relate and truly care. Parents seem to have their best interests for their children at all times, but things can become heavy for any couple, and it is much better to have a relationsip end sooner rather than later. The sooner it is ended the sooner their can be rebuilding. Separation or Divorce doesn’t need to mean that the relationship’s of the children and the parents must divide, and through the right help, understanding, and adherence, children can understand what it really means to be part of a separation and not have it be their fault.
In conclusion it is to be noticed that children that experience separation or divorce within their family, can be noticed that it’s not their fault. They might just have exposed cracks in a relationship, that have always been their. A road that need’s to be repaired but doesn’t notice it yet. The problem isn’t who is to blame, but who can accept that blame is no more and the repair is the only proper thing for relationships, and upholding a bright future for our kids.
Works Cited
Divorcing Children: Children's Experience of their Parents' Divorce. Vol. 38. Libra Publishers Incorporated, 2003. ProQuest Platinum. PROQUESTMS. 17 Apr. 2011
Divorcing Children: Children's Experience of their Parents' Divorce. Vol. 38. Libra Publishers Incorporated, 2003. ProQuest Platinum. PROQUESTMS. 17 Apr. 2011
Stern, Linda. Adult Kids of Divorce Face Extra Burdens; Financial Challenges. Toronto, Ontario, Canada:, 2011. Canadian Newsstand Major Dailies. PROQUESTMS. 17 Apr. 2011
Carlson, Allan. Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce. Vol. 57. National Review, Inc, 2005. ProQuest Platinum. PROQUESTMS. 17 Apr. 2011
Number of Divorces and Children Involved in Divorce, 1950-19. Vol. 47. Population Reference Bureau, Incorporated, 1992. ProQuest Platinum. PROQUESTMS. 17 Apr. 2011
"Separation and divorce: Children's issues." Magill's Encyclopedia of Social Science: Psychology. 01 Jan. 2003. eLibrary Science. Web. 17 Apr 2011.
Nancy A. Piotrowski talks about the great increase of divorce, how it has become a major type of a lifestyle. Many children have accepted it from a mature point of view, and other just simply can’t, and how both are intertwined with parenthood.
RINCOVER, ARNOLD,DR. Group Therapy Best Bet for Kids Coping with Divorce: [FINAL Edition]. Toronto, Ontario, Canada:, 1995. Canadian Newsstand Major Dailies. Web. 18 Apr. 2011.
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